Description
I always hated being an adult. I was so caught up in grown-up stuff like forgetting to my bills, finding socks that matched, and lying about why I was late for work that I lost sight of everything that ever made me happy as a child. I gave up on popping wheelies. I stopped ding-dong ditching, and I didn’t even think spitballs or really loud farts were as funny as they used to be. I hadn’t drawn a dick on anything in years and I couldn’t even remember the last time I threw a party at my parent’s house when they weren’t home, or when I had sex with a sixteen-year-old girl in the back seat of my mom’s car. By my 40th birthday I was completely broken and just a shell of that spry young boy who left the loudest farts in the 5th grade.Shortly after I graduated college, I needed to find a fucking job and move the hell out so I could start paying my own goddamn bills already. At least that’s what my parents were always telling me. What my parents didn’t understand was that I was a Psychology major, and Psychology majors don’t do stuff like get good jobs or move out of their parents’ house. With a shitty college major, and not enough charm or good looks to enter the lucrative world of pharmaceutical sales like my parents wanted me to, it looked like I was destined to live with my parents and smoke pot all day forever.But, with a little luck and a fuckload of white privilege, my life is finally on the right track. I healed the damaged relationship with my father, even though he could be a real dick sometimes. I also awakened my inner-child. Now I am the same fun-loving, happy-go-lucky kid who used to masturbate five times a day and played with matches. I have dental insurance, an amicable divorce, and two kids who aren’t in therapy yet. I am even back to drawing dicks on people’s stuff at work again. Let’s just say that life turned out exactly as I planned.
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